When i look at my life, especially the aspect of working and living, I get a sense of what i might just call boredom with a tinge of frustration. I feel that there is so much more for me to do and to experience and yet everyday, day in, day out, in a nut shell, i do the same thing. I want to get out and to explore, to see, to feel, to experience, not just this material, physical world, but life and all it wonderous and mysterious ways. I want to feel what it is like to be totally conected to the sensations of the universe. To feel, deep inside the subtle, yet firm humming vibration of the cosmos as the awareness of existence becomes a conscious and constant part of me.
What is it, what part of me forces me, almost every waking moment, to sense that i am to do more? To be more?
This feeling and sense is like a constant torturing punishment, is this the cruelty of humanity?
But no, underneath all this dissatisfaction, annoyances and irritations with life, pushing aside the despair and hopelessness, the sensation of couriosity, amazement and wonderment of everything that is and everything that will and could be. I sense what i can only explain as a small child, in the middle of a crowd of grown adults, carrying on with their busy and hectic days. Full of stresses and worry, distracted from the very thing that they are here to be, human. This child inside me, can sense and knows that this life can be so much more, if i just let it be.
The abundance of the cosmos is available to all, if we just let ourselves, and yet sadly, i do not have enough time. There is work, family and friends. All the things that I have created within my life to keep me busy and preoccupied.
Why have i created this way of life for myself? if i feel that it is a torturing punishment for being human?
Because deep inside all humans there is this small child, glowing with a light of many different colors and vibrations. There are no fears or anxieties, no pain, stress or doubt, only the pure thoughts and feelings of being alive. With all the sensations finely tuned to recieve any and all information and knowledge of the universe. Though, without proper training in the ancient ways, the receptiveness of my pure and innocent child is bombarded with adult energies of stress and pain, and the need to be accepted.
I did not realize that my reasoning for creating the life that I live was to have distractions from my pain and suffering of losing touch with my child.