I do believe that we are eternal beings. I can not really explain what I mean by that, do I mean on a conscious level of being? Possibly. Do I even know what that means? Not really. Do I have to? Maybe yes and maybe no. As long as I believe, is that not what really counts? So why should I have to explain what I think that means?
I know that much of what I go through in this reality that I have created hinges on the aspect of a need and having to explain why it is and how it is, that what i believe in. I know that it is this thought process that induces a lot of skepticism and doubt within my own mind as to what I really am doing here. This thought process, I have come to realize, I have expanded and latched onto as part of this reality of being, but it is not. This part of my being that I need to explain and justify to another, just because they ask me why? The expansion of my knowledge and experience since my birth in this reality has been full of people asking why, and many of them, I believe, do not ask the question to actually understand, but to give them an openning to explain to their way or opinion. I say this not to criticize another, but rather, in my own words, try to figure out for myself why I feel threatenned and defensive as to my own reasons why i do what I do. I believe this is because from a very early age, It seemed that everything I did and or every time I needed to explain myself and actions, it was never good enough for those that asked. I felt that they had a need to always correct and change how I did, what I did, and why I did. Over time, I found that it was just easier and less complicated to just give in and do as others did.
**I do not advise this for any one**
This is not the best way to increase ones knowledge and experience. Why? I am just learning that which another has learned their way and not actually learning and gaining experience that vibrates on my own frequency. In other words, while I am learning new knowledge, I am not gaining my own authentic knowledge experience. For example, If my friend does not like apples, and i see this, It is easier for me to automatically decide that i do not like apples either. This, I think is how much of our society operates in the modern world. We will decide the rights and the wrongs, the morality of how we think and act, and this is how it is. Granted, this is not an overall and exact picture of how it is, but, I do believe that within our society there is so much going on, it is easier for others to think and do as we say, and to think and do as others want. For me, this is what I adopted for myself.
When i think about this and really get into the basic fundamentals of my sense of being and identity, this is when it gets clear as to this is how I have been living for the past 40ish years. I call it survival mode. In the beginning, when this realization came into my conscious thought, I tried to explain and justify it and my actions as to why. I can not, only to say, It was in the end easier to give up and give in to how others say I should be and act and do. Survival mode. And for me, doubting my own abilities and confidence, this was the simplest way to be. And for society, this is the best way for the people to be.
How does this explain the part of eternal beings? It does not.
Not really, but in a sense, it does explain why it is so hard for any one of us to formulate our own sense of being when in fact we are living off each other and trying to fit in and be apart of society. Being a part of society takes a lot of energy and does not give me enough time to really focus on who I am. So I feel. I do know that while I am alive in this physical body I do need to be a part of society, Family, Job, Bills, etc. But at the same time I get frustrate with myself because I feel this sense, an almost urgency that I have not been on purpose with my life and time is running. Meaning, as we all know, there are limitations to this physical body and it is deteriorating every day. Though as of late, I do feel and sense a knowing that I am on the very edge of living with and being with and knowing my purpose, the reason why I am here and what I am supposed to do. And I know that this is what frustrates me even more. I know I am supposed be doing something other than I am doing, doing that which is my purpose for being here, but I am not. And every day that I do not get on track and live this life on this purpose, is just another day of not being on purpose. Then this life will end, and I will start another life with this purpose all over again.
I am supposed to find this purpose and to live it. That way, when i do come back in another life, I have expanded my consciousness from this life into the next continuing the progressive evolution of expanding consciousness.
This is where I am at in this life, feeling stuck doing and being as I have always done and not able to fully experience the expansion of my own consciousness. I believe that when i can experience that expansion is when I can truly move forward, enhancing my own human condition and not just being a puppet to live out this life in the philosophical zombie style of just survivng and being a part of society.
I want to be a part of society, that makes existence in physical form energizing and inspiring for all who feel the same sense of longing for being more.