“Why did I do that?”
Now, I am no expert, but when the first thought I have in the morning is a question to myself about myself, it may or may not be a good a day. Usually that question when pops into my head is a follow up on my own self diagnostic of what I want to do for myself, specifically for my health. I can start the day off high energy and full of inspiration and then that can feeling can kinda vanish as the day goes on. It’s like I have different personalities and they all take turns deciding how I will act and behave to how I will think and respond. It can seem confusing, but I have realized that it is all just me.
This can open up a discussion on free will, the choices that we make every moment, consciously and unconsciously, the ones that we have to make and the ones we choose to make. Usually my choices are based on my external enviroment, which in its self I can justify my actions as not of my own free will, but yet, still are. I do not want to get in to deep at this time about free will and the infinite amount of philosophical debates that we can have about it. I just thought I would start this topic, that touches on free will, more onto our own control and resolutions that we make to ourselve each and every day, and how we at times do not follow through. My to the point, my health, Physical and mental.
While I am not going to go so far into detail at this point, I will say that my health journey has definitely had many ups and downs, pot holes and sink holes. Also many excitements and inspirations. But why, when i get going on a good roll do I usually fuck it all up?
To be honest, I have never really fucked it all right up, it just feels like it. My main goal with my health is to lose the extra belly fat that I have. I want to see my ab definition again. Also, I want to be able to retain and higher energy vibration and positive outlook on life at all times. And well, both can be hard. Life, Stress and an almost infinite amount of excuses can cause a both of those to go askew. But, I still have to live life and to have fun, right? I use that as an excuse, but it’s not really one that can honestly be used. I have fun working out and going to the gym, cycling and swimming. It feels good, physically, to eat properly and watch the amount that I eat. I fast, try to every day, watch the amount of calories going into my system and the type. When on a roll, life just feels awesome and full of energy. But I always have to rememebr, that it is my choice, my free will, that can change all of that, and I am still at the point of my esoteric training where the resolutions that I make every morning, can dry and dusty and boring by later in the afternoon.
I know that it is all my decisions and choices that affect everything that I do and that happenns in my life. I know I need to work on it, to be firm with my own sense of being and identity. To know myself, is for me to understand myself, and to understand self, I think is key to being firm in our own sense of identity and being. Knowing this, while it does not change the fact that i went against the goals or purpose of my life, Allows me the opportunity to look deeper into myself every day.
“Why did I do that?” question first thing in the morning seems low energy and disheartening, but it can actually help me grow each time. Giving me the purpose to search within my being and identity to understand the why’s and the what’s and the how’s of my own thoughts. Knowing who I am Is what gives me my purpose and gives me meaning.