I sit here and contemplate what it is that i did yesterday that will increase my day today. I realize that while there were some moments yesterday that will increase my day today, there are still other moments from yesterday that will be counter productive for my betterment of self today. Do the two of these thoughts cancel each other out? For the lesser mind, yes. I still battle within myself this same notion of thought, though I domalso realize, for every action that i do that does lessen the quality of my life on that day and the next, i can still learn from it. Though, it might seem that i continually am having thoughts and actions that do not allow myself to strive for my own excellence, these thoughts and actions are what inspire me continually, every day, upon reflection of self, to do better.
Aug 13 2023
Journaling has been an escape of mine for many years. Not in the act of escaping reality, but more for the fact that it brings my deepest desires and fears, thoughts and feelings out. Even onto paper, this act of venting frustrations seems to just make everything ok for the time being.
Dreams and desires can come out and when onto paper and read, there is energy in abundance that creates a spark that can induce an inspired sense of action for what one can do.
I read back into some of my journaling from many years ago and at times it seems like I am writing the same thing over and over again, just in different ways. The same pains and frustrations, the same dreams and desires. Why have I not changed any of it? If I am having these frustrations and pains in my life, why have I not done anything to get rid of or change them? And as for my dreams and desires, If i know about them and keep writing about them, why do they not become real? Why do they not happen?
There has been many times that i have put down pen and left the pages blank. Why should i write any of this down if it is not helping me to lessen the frustrations and pains, to help make my dreams and desires a reality?
As I said before, It seems like I am writing the same thing over and over, just in different ways and using different words. The frustrations and pains are less, when I do get them out, every day onto paper. To see them and to read them brings them out into the open so that I am not hiding them further back into my crazy chaotic mind. Where they can fester and currupt the many of my other thoughts, dreams and desires. Like a cancer overtaking healthy cells, frustrations and pains of life can overtake ones mind, causing mind numbing toxic thoughts and mental paralyzes. Seizing control of our sane cognitive faculties, leaving no room for the dreams or desires. Yet, when on paper, being able to see and read, or even talking about, brings them out into the open, exposes them to light, causing them to shrink. There is still the need to work on them, to live with them.
When the dream and desires are put on paper to see and to read, this is a small comfort that helps to shrink the pains and frustration.
So when I read back and think that after many thousands of journal entries, and having the same pains and frustration, the same desires and dreams, I now realize that I have changed. The way I express and describe my thoughts and feelings, the style of which I bring them out is of more depth and understanding. This is change, this is my self improvement, my betterment, my striving for excellence.
How can I proove this?
To whom do I need to prove this?
No one, but myself.
I Journal everyday, this is how I know, that everyday, I am improving myself.
life
Life – Letting “I” feel experince.
First off, i must admit, i love Acronyms, or an archaic way, such as logo grammatical words or symbols. I get hung up on how to take a word or symbol and create an inspiring message of hope for any and all that need it. This is part of my distraction of life, taking a thought and expanding it to the point that it has consumed my very essence of being and overwhelming my senses of thought. At times I do not even know that this is happening and it goes on and on until I realize that I am at the same point of thought as I was at the beginning of this thought. HA! Sounds confusing? It is!! I believe that all of us go through this, daily. We get hung up on certian thoughts and feelings and they overtake the basic functions of life. There are many different ways to describe this and we all experience this in our own way. Just to name a few are absent-minded, lost in thought, inattentive, out to lunch, preoccupied.
Going further into the awareness of thought hang ups, we enter into the realm of the human psyche, or mind. Many people have thought hang ups, and do not even realize it. Not that it should really be a thing to worry about because we all have them, it is the part of human nature that we all share, a mind with thoughts. Unless, of course, it is starting to cause distractions in our every day ability to function, *”as a normal person in society”*.
Letting “I” feel experiences (Life) is one thing that we really should focus on. I understand that for some, feeling the experiences is a terrible experince. It all depends on circumstaces, past events and our human condition. For these that have terrible experiences, i do not recommend to feel these, over and over again. Unfortunatley, the mind works as mysteriously as The Lord, and we can not always stop or understand wtf the mind is doing to us and our sanity. Many turn to external forms of distraction from our very own mind such as mind altering substances, (Drugs and alcohol), mind-sensory overload (TV, video games, puzzles, etc) and physically overwhelming ourselves every day so we have no moment to be stuck in our head. (Work, gym, socializing, etc)
Letting “I” feel experiences is the essence of beginning to understand ourselves. The purpose of our existence is to learn and to experience. Hitherto, our human conditioning has taught us that the human condition has only two actual experiences, pleasure and pain, with an area in between in which we all try to stay in to balance out life and be able to survive.
I would like to introduce a new form of thought, it is only the human mind that creates emotion. Everything in this known universe and existence exhibits some form of vibration energy. Our thoughts and emotions are part of that, can we learn how to take the energy from any and all of our experiences and thoughts to enhance our very essence of being?
Yes! I know it to be true.
There is a starting point, and this being very important and the hardest part of all. We have to trust in ourself.
Social Creatures
Social creatures
We are social creature’s, Humans, that is. I have heard that lots over the years, more predominantly since the start of the covid pandemic. I never really thought about it myself, I for one, do like my solitude. I would, if given the option between introvert and extravert, would always pick introvert. I liked my alone time and would make excuses why I could not be part of a group of people doing what ever it was they were doing. Mostly, I was just not interested in hanging around people, especially in large quantity groups for long periods of time. Don’t get me wrong, I do like visiting and meeting people, I just get bored or (maybe a little rude to some) not interested in all the little, small talk that I would have to partake in. My wife would disagree 100% with this last statement. Comparatively to her, I am a total extravert. I like getting together with people for supper or a drink, and I do. But here is my double standard, I am an extrovert in the beginning of any talk about getting together and do it. Then there will come a time during the get together or event, or whatever function that I am at, I want out. I am done, need to get away, tired of the back and forth, meaningless chatter. Mostly, during these times, I realize that I turn into one of those people that tell stories. And we all know those people that tell stories. When this realization enters my conscious awareness, that’s it! I am done I want out.
Why? I have upgraded my level of consciousness, my awareness of purpose for being here. Not saying that I have all the answer’s or can even verbally describe and explain the purpose of my existence in this human form. What I am saying is that because of the enhancement of my awareness of my own unique individuality, my sense of being, “hanging out” for a drink is fun, but there comes a time that I become aware that at this instance, I am now just “wasting” my time that I have here, I am not fully on purpose doing what I am doing, and I want out!
**For further clarification, because I know my choice of words above would be found offensive to some. When I am talking about “wasting” my time, I do not mean the physical act of being with some one is the waste of time, it is the commentary that is included with that time.**
Humans are social creatures; we need to interact and to be with others. I also believe that we need our alone time, to be able to regain and replenish our energy, to just breathe, relax and know ourselves.
It has been said that humans are only social creatures to distract ourselves from our fear of death. I would not go that far, but I would also agree with that, since I do also believe that we are sentient beings that are aware that our physical bodies are not permanent. They do wear out and die. That knowledge is constantly lurking in our unconscious thoughts.
I will go so far as to say that I believe our social etiquettes do have a lot to do with distraction from fears and anxieties of being human. In our society and culture, there is a lot of pressure to be and to do. There are many ways to distract our selves from the anxieties that we face every day. And it is not always those that seek solitude or mind-altering chemicals that are distracting themselves. The outgoing, the high energy, positive ones, the ones that have everything going for them, the social butterflies, these also can be considered distractions. I do not think that it is a fear of death. It is more in depth than that. It is a fear that is deep within our own essence of being, our own existence, our purpose. We create a life full of distractions, overwhelming our senses and conscious thoughts with all that we need to do, all that we need to be.
What is it that we are distracting ourselves from? Ourselves
That is not an answer that answers the question. For some it will inspire the need to look for answers, for other’s it will induce a frustration that the answer is more complicated than they have time for. Thus, the need for more distraction.
We as social creatures, if thought about, spend so much of our thoughts, energy, and time, being social only to distract our thoughts away from the aspect of (a) our fear of death. (b) ourselves.
What is it that I really mean when I say “Ourselves”? Enter the question “Why am I here? What is my purpose?” Those two questions have been being asked since the dawn of human consciousness. My only suggestion is that we, after many generations, are still trying to answer those questions, and many others like it. For every individual, those questions will have different answers, our purpose, why we are here, is to find our own unique purpose. To take all the knowledge, and experiences and wisdom gained in the life we are living. This will all accumulate into our higher sense of self, consciousness.
My intent is not to have the reader finish this feeling discouraged and unsatisfied for not having an absolute answer or even a point of clarity. What I do hope is that for some it will inspire thoughts to expand consciousness.
Rev. Colin G. Scheerschmidt. Phd.
Metaphysical Mentor
Destiny and Purpose
Destiny and Purpose
I have never really thought of it before, until recently, Destiny, Do I / we have a destiny? If you think about all the things that we do, daily, to do what needs to be done within the life that we have created, is this what destiny is?
I have discovered, buried deep inside myself, a desire to be, to do more than what I am now. There is a feeling of agitation, frustration that I am not doing that what I am supposed to be doing in life. Somehow, I know that this is not the only life that I have had this sense of knowing. I can not prove, nor disprove, but I can feel the truth of it resonating within me, in the vast reaches of my sub-unconscious.
There is so much to see and do, learn, and know, experience, yet I do not. I feel restricted, constraint, confined to be and do that which I am doing now, at this present moment. It is not enough. I want to grow, expand my conscious knowing and connection.
There are energies and forces of nature and existence that we all are part of. Everything in existence has a place, a reason, and a purpose for being. One cannot be without another. That could be considered destiny? To produce an outcome for existence to expand?
So, my destiny is to have purpose(s) of existence / Life, so that existence can expand?
I cannot say, that all sounds quite extreme, but, if you look at life as we know it, it wants to survive and to survive does it not need to expand? Maybe existence is wanting to survive? They do say that the universe is expanding, could this not be a sign of the expansion of existence?
Too much? Yes, I think so, currently. That is some ramblings within my own need to try and explain that which is and may come to be.
I will try and simplify. I do not know if we have a destiny, there are many theories and beliefs. If there is destiny, is it pre-determined, step by step, the purpose of our existence is to fulfill our destiny(s)? Can we have more than one destiny? At one time? Etc. The questions are infinite, as they are if there was no destiny. Could we still ask, What is the purpose of existence? If there was no destiny, Yes! Of course! Destiny is nothing more than a belief that we are here for a reason, but for who’s reason? Or what reason? If we do not have a destiny for being here, this could explain why I feel, and many out there feel, dissatisfaction with life? A feeling of loss, not knowing what to do? Searching for purpose that has meaning in our everyday life? Could some have destiny and other’s not? Again, the questions are infinite.
I know, Believe, that at the end of the day, what answers all these questions, and not, is our own belief and perceptions. Every question will have an answer, uniquely formatted for the conscious individual, though, always, and forever changing, as does existence.
So, to have destiny is to have purpose, and not to have destiny is to have no purpose?
I believe that we all have many different purposes in our life, that gives us meaning, reasons why we do what we do. I also believe that we are not always aware of the purposes, that there is much we do, not realizing why. Again, I know this is confusing. I also believe and know that we can create our own purpose(s) for what has meaning to us. And we can also create our own destiny, with purpose, meaning and reason.
My one purpose, of many, is to fulfill a burning desire that I have felt for a very long time. It has taken till now to know and understand what this desire is, and I know that many also have this feeling burning deep inside, not forgotten, just not known to the conscious until the time when needed. This burning desire that I speak of is to increase awareness of consciousness and connection to energies of existence. For myself and for others. There is so much to know, learn and experience and I for one feel this desire to expand.
Truth and Honesty
At times we have to sit back and acknowledge where we are in our life. Is this where I want to / need to be? To experience life?
It starts out being honest with myself, truthful about how I am feeling. Do I really feel that this is the life I am supposed to be living? Or am I kinda just following the pack because I don’t know how to do or start something new?
I think there are many people in this same situation, though the questions will vary in degree’s, ultimately we all have a purpose(s), and reasons with meanings that guide our thoughts, choices and decisions.
Am I telling myself the truth of how I feel? Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally? Spiritually? How Honest am I with myself about the truths that I believe?, about myself. This type of questioning is not for every one, But the ones looking and searching for answers, introspectively, following a path that expands ones own consciousness and connection. It takes patience and desire, this is not something taught or read, it is something experienced and known. Intuitively understanding, cognitively knowing.
Maybe the question to start with is not, Am I Honest with myself, But, what have I lied to myself about, am being dishonest about, twisting perceptions to make life better or easier to live.
At the end of this thought, it is not me, or other’s you need to live with, it is yourself.
My Inspiration
I get overwhelmed within my own head. What I need to do, what I want to do, what is best for me, what other’s think I should do. All thoughts that I have every day. It’s not a bad thing, it’s a human thing. Our minds are an awesome, mysterious and sometimes a pain in the ass, part of our humanity. But, if I did not have all these thoughts, emotions, opinions and perceptions, I would not be human. I would not exist, or be a dog or a slug, maybe a fish.
What I think I am trying to say is, that even with all the pain and suffering that many, and even myself think that we /I have to endure as being human, it is also an opportunity, a magical journey of self discovery and mindful expansion.
What would you rather have? A mind full of thoughts that hold you back and mask opportunities to experience life and existence as sentient beings? Or expanding consciousness and energy to experience life and existence to tour full potential?
I, myself choose to expand my consciousness, to become aware of my energies and to experience my energy consciousness, universal connectedness and existential purposes.
Journey’s path
The journey I am on, once accepted, realized, I have chosen. Everything that has, is and will happen, is all me. My journey, I scorn, I swear, scream and cry, why me? Why does this happen to me?
Because I have choice.
I may not be able to foresee the future, the out comes that will be done. I am not able to stop the motion of thoughts and emotion put into play by energy of consciousness. I am not able to create that which will assist, nor that which will destroy. Not yet. I am only able to have choice, of not thought, emotion and response, but of having choice. It is up to me to decide, the path I choose to take, the journey I will experience.
The path I choose to take will determine the journey that I will experience, the journey I choose, will have many a different paths, I must choose the path, for the journey I will take. How will I know which path is right? For the journey that I need to experience. Not until it is done, will I know.
Or…….I can choose not to choose. Is this still not a choice? I choose to do nothing, it is to hard to decide, I do not know the right path to choose, the journey I need to make. I will do as other’s do, follow their lead, they must know what I need, every one is doing it.
I have made a choice, I have decided for myself, I follow and still I ask, Why me?
I have followed blindly for so long, but how was I to know? It was taught, told and whispered that I can and be anything I want. I know now, there is a difference between want and need. I have a need to be and to do that I have yet to fulfill. I am not the only one. I am starting anew, dragging the burden of life behind. Fingers point, faces laugh, voices sternly do not agree, telling what needs to be. This is not me.
I am special. I am different, I can sense there is more. I am to be more. I am not the only one.
The journey I need to make is one found deep inside. A burning desire of fate and destiny. I am not the only one. I have switched paths, though slowly at first, gaining momentum as confidence builds. Still, I need to keep the worn path in my site.
The Awakening
I.
As awareness and desires awaken within,
We grow fearful, confused, chagrin.
For thoughts we have, do arise,
Contradict those we hold as truth in our eyes.
Waking each day with body and mind,
fulfilling our purpose of physical kind.
Casting aside, hiding from truth,
continually searching for the fountain of youth.
Though deep inside, an urge, burning desire,
to go forth, expand, experience and inspire.
Yet, we sleep as we wake, dream as we create,
life overwhelmed, human condition, we think,
a despairing state.
II.
As awareness and desires awaken within,
new thoughts and energy do begin.
Going beyond known reality and knowledge of mind,
we seek and explore, experience and find.
Belief in self, consciousness and human race,
An existence where all is love and embrace.
Thought Energy Integration
Thought is energy.
Thoughts project energy.
Thoughts project energy in the form it is thought.
Thoughts create and manifest, disorganize and obscure.
Energy is all that is, everything is energy.
Energy is only transformed and transferred.
The 1st law of thermodynamics, the law of conservation, Energy can not be created nor destroyed, only transformed and transferred. It is the thought that creates or destroys, projecting it’s energy in the form that it is thought.
When we practice mindfulness, it is to gain more awareness of the thoughts we are thinking, not only of our conscious thoughts, but of unconscious. How those thoughts interact with our perceived ideals, knowledge and ego, determine how we will respond. Though, the thoughts we have, are already formed based on our ideals, knowledge and ego.
There are many thoughts we are aware of having every minute of everyday, there are many more that we are not. Unawares of thoughts, created within our psyche, are the ones we should become aware of. These thoughts harbor fears, doubts, insecurities, and are the ones that project certain energies that we call negative energies.
Energy is all that is, everything is energy.
Energy is neither positive nor negative, good or bad, low or high, it is how our thoughts project and how our thoughts perceive, received thought energy. When we feel or sense, a type of energy, whether it be positive or negative, high vibration or low vibration, it is based on our own perceptions, our own thought energy at the time, but also, on the other’s thought energy.
Imagine energy as a pool of water, and our thoughts as color. When we have a peaceful thought, let’s call that the color green. The color green will color the water around us, and those close to us will see the water around us as green, peaceful. If they get close enough, the green will surround them also. Like wise, if we have anger thoughts, the color red, the water around us will turn red. The water/energy is still what it was before, it is our thoughts that change it. There fore, when we become aware of our thoughts and how they affect our own psyche, we then can control and determine what color/energy we allow to surround our being. It is our own thoughts that raise and lower the vibrational energies that envelope us. It is our thoughts that project the energy in the form that we think, also, *it is our thoughts that perceive the forms of energy that we are receiving, from other’s.
*Our thoughts perceive the forms of energy that other’s project* While this is part of our human condition, our perceptions of energies that others are projecting, can be corrupted by our own thoughts at that time. If we are feeling down, insecure, anxious or depressed, Our thoughts perceive thought energy from another as those we are thinking. “But not always!”
When we become mindful of our thoughts, an awareness that they can manipulate how we feel, act and respond; to ourselves, to other’s, to our environment, becomes real. We can no longer hide behind the veil of excuses, many call human nature, human condition, situations and circumstances of life. We are now aware of thought energy.
Thought energy awareness is just the beginning and another part of life. While we become mindful of ourselves and our thoughts, we also become aware of energy. Energy is that what we feel, within us and without. A sense uniquely our own, though shared with everything. Energy is all that is, and everything, creation, existence, being and life. To believe in energy, awakens connection with consciousness.
To be Mindful of ones thoughts, to believe in ones energy and to unite both as one, provides opportunities for individuals to experience their energy consciousness, universal connectedness, and existential purposes. This unification is called thought energy integration.
All it takes is a burning desire from within.
Rev. Colin G. Scheerschmidt, PhD,
Metaphysical Humanism Sciences