what really frustrates me is the fact that no matter how many times i makeit through one of my rough patches in life, just the way that this life is set up, i know that it will happen again and again and again. It’s like the groundhog day syndrome.
The next thing that adds to my frustration in this life, is that i know this!! And yet, i will continually do the same things over and over again, just because it is the way. I get up, go to work, make money, pay bills and buy stuff. It’s like the saying, do the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definaition of insanity. This lifei s insane!! The most frustrating part of this whole concept? I know this! And i keep doing it over and over again.
I have been working on this scenario for many years, this scenario that i know that i need to change something to be able to get myself out of this groundhog day existence. It is hard for me to explain, but i think it has to do with the complexities of the human mind and condition. I/we, humans, have so many intricate inner workers that it is hard for us to focus or to know which one or area of self to be mindful of, to be able to produce an awakend state of our own unique individuality. This awakened state, or awareness of self is when these changes can and will begin to occur.
My question, how do i achieve this heightenned sense of awareness? I have been searching for this answer, unknowingly for most of my life, consciously, at this time for about 6 years. What i have found is that there are many different ways to do this, and they all work, in there own way. I have also come to understand, that i have to constantly work at each of these ways of awakening, but also have to find new ways in which to also integrate into my being to get the most diversity out of this life. This life, this existence has so much to offer that if i just find one way that works, or that makes me feel good, i will not be able to fullfill my actual purpose, which is to grow and expand my consciousness and enhance my human condition. What i have done in the past is to follow the guidance and advice of other’s around me. While this is not a bad thing, it gives me new perspectives and knowledge and experience, but i forget to integrate my own thoughts and deeper feelings about this information. Doing this will assimilate the knew knowledge into self, with my own knowledge, allowing me to continually expand and enhance.
Just to clarify, when i gain new knowledge and information external of self and i put this into an active practice within self, there must be a point that the new information is merged with my already fundamental base knowledge. If it is not, I am not correctly using this new information for expanding of my consciousness or enhancing my human condition, I am using it in hopes of finding an easier, simpler way to strive for a happy life. That is, in other words, the ability to survive this moment just to get to the next. We are not taught any more to expand ourselves and consciousness. Many do not understand what that means, so it is not real and has no purpose or meaning.
This is my purpose, to remain constantly awake and aware of self, even though I have to wade through the thickness of low vibrational energies of just survivng the moment, doing the same thing over and over again in life. But knowing, eventually i will find the key or the next step that will allow me to raise my consciousness up just a little bit more.